Today: A Poem

by docinsano

Okay, today I’m switching things up a bit. I was suddenly inspired by the idea of getting into a fight and trying to use a Leatherman tool as a weapon. The results were interesting. Take a read:

Fighting With a Leatherman

Walkin’ down the street

I’m feelin’ pretty good

No bad news

Goin’ on in my neighborhood

Lookin’ at the sky

Lookin’ at the trees

Pollen gettin’ up my nose

Man that stuff makes me sneeze

Then to my shoulder

A  sudden bump it hits

I turn around and see this guy

And want to cut him into bits

“Excuse me”  I shout

And he turns around and looks

“Watch where you’re going man”

I said this in good taste

This must have set him off

As he approached me in haste

I saw him coming on

And prepared my best words

“Step off man, back up

Don’t you go actin’ a fool

You best step back, back, back

Or face the wrath of my

Leatherman tool.

He ceased to back off

So I unsheathed my sword

I’ve got this match made

I thought for a sec

I fumbled for the blade

Corkscrew, no

Screwdriver, no

Bottle opener, AHHH!

Finally!  Three-inch blade!

A punch to my face

I nearly had

I dodged all his punches

Man, this guy is bad

I didn’t even use my knife

This guy sucked some balls

I just folded up my tool

And walked the other way

“Leathermans are not for fighting

and you’re lookin’ like a fool.

“Now go on, get out, have a nice day,”

I said as I sheathed my tool

I was lucky this time

The gods must’ve had my back

Fighting with a Leatherman tool

Man that idea was whack